81 Amazing Bob’s Burgers Quotes

“Louise, you do not want that flu bug. I had it and it gave me weird fever dreams. I dreamt I was in a book club with my cousin Vanessa, but she was a werewolf.
— Linda Belcher”


“Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!
— Teddy”


“Two people, together forever. Security in life! And someone to love ya! Instead of being all alone, such a lonely existence. I’d kill myself!”


“Bob: “…and I think I might be a pimp.” Louise “(casually, passing through): “You’re gonna need a bigger hat.””
“With four ears I can ignore you twice as hard.

Almost dying’s the best part of living. It’s called almost-live-dying.

Ha aliens, we farted on you!”


“Wow, running with a coffee table’s hard. No wonder no one does that.”


“Bob: Say goodbye to the trucks, kids, because tomorrow we are taking back the street.”


“Sorry, ballroom’s been canceled. The teacher just waltzed out of here. Get it? I’m kidding. She died.
— Receptionist”


““I’m not afraid of ghosts. I’m not afraid of sharks. I’m not afraid of cancer. I’m just afraid of snakes! They really creep me out. Where are their arms and legs? It’s really not okay!””


“Bob Belcher : “Kids are horrible. Why do we keep making them?””


“Gene : Hard to hate a guy who gives you raisins!”


“You’re a hurtful slut, Bob!


— Linda Belcher”


“You should know when you hold hands with me, you’re holding hands with everything I’ve ever eaten.”


“Rich people run funny. Must be all the money in their pockets. Or their big, rich, golden wieners. Eh, it’s probably their wieners.”


“I love espresso, coffee, caffeinated teas, and then Jimmy Jr. In that order.
— Tina Belcher “


““Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!”


“You were right, Bob. I needed to let my baby birds fly. My bratty little baby birds fly with their crappy little wings. Sometimes you gotta push ’em out the window.
— Linda Belcher “


“Bob, Gene, look at yourselves; you’re father and son! You’re supposed to love each other, not kill each other; this isn’t the Bible!
— Linda Belcher”


“I should write a parenting book. Call it, ‘Hey You, I Saw That! Put It Back!’
— Linda Belcher “


“Frowny face? All I’ve been is super nice to you and this is the thanks I get? I loved you, I loved you like a horse, which is my favorite animal. You know what, let’s just stop before we both say something we’ll regret, like that horses are better than cows. I regret that, but it’s true.
— Tina Belcher (voice)”


““When I die, I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.” -Linda Belcher”


“Tina : “I don’t need a boy to pay attention to me. I’ll pay attention to myself.”


“Kissing is one of the great parts of life, like dancing. Or rainy days. Or those croissants Meryl Streep made in that movie. We don’t have to not kiss. We just have to smart kiss.
— Tina Belcher”


“Rudy: I guess when you’re hall monitor, you have to leave your feelings in your locker.”


“Two people, together forever. Security in life! And someone to love ya! Instead of being all alone, such a lonely existence. I’d kill myself!
— Linda Belcher”


“I hope they’re using protection because I am not taking care of that baby.”
“You should know when you hold hands with me, you’re holding hands with everything I’ve ever eaten.
— Gene Belcher “


“Rich people run funny. Must be all the money in their pockets. Or their big, rich, golden wieners. Eh, it’s probably their wieners.
— Linda Belcher”


““If boys had uteruses they’d be called duderuses.””


“Linda : Awww, so cute! Your burger and his beer are making little belly babies!”


“And last but not least, “Uhhhhhhhhhh” – Tina”


“It was a time in Japan when the evil monsters would attack the nice little villages for no good reason. And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are…Hawk & Chick!”


““If we see any mermaids I’m gonna ask them where their merginas are.””
“Can we roll down the windows? I’m starting to breathe in Tina’s breath.”
“My life is more difficult than anyone else’s on the planet, and yes I’m including starving children, so don’t ask!
— Gene Belcher”


“My life is more difficult than anyone else’s on the planet, and yes I’m including starving children, so don’t ask!”
“‘Danger’ is my middle name. But I spell it R-U-T-H.
— Tina Belcher”


“Remember, Tina—a nerd in the hand is worth…not really that much. Never mind.
— Louise Belcher “


“The apocalypse is upon us! Why?! Why must the world end right when I’m getting sleepy?! … Ah! Every human is dead except for me! Especially the men! So there’s no men! So it’s okay to sleep alone. Good night, kids.”
“Hello and welcome to Bob’s Burgers. The burger of the day is the ‘Child Molester’ —it comes with candy. Get it?
— Louise Belcher”


“I’m no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.
— Tina Belcher”


“Bob : About dinner theater: “It’s not dinner, and it isn’t theater either. It’s like the imitation cheese of theater.” “


“I hope they’re using protection because I am not taking care of that baby.
— Louise Belcher “


“One man’s trash is another man’s Christmas gift for Dad!”


“Critter : Half bumper car, half go-kart, ALL BALLS!”


“You don’t want to mess with my sister. She’ll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years.”


“I made it rain shrimp! What did you ever do?


— Louise Belcher “


“Look through the tube, see some boob! Show some green, see some peen!
— Darryl “


“Louise : “Hi, my name’s Louise. I would like to donate a piece of my personal chalk, in case you need to outline a body.” “


“Well, Your Honor, I couldn’t see the meter because there was a kid standing in front of it. And he was exactly….meter-sized…
— Bob Belcher “


“It’s a man cave. And Tina’s going spelunking.”


“You don’t want to mess with my sister. She’ll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years.
— Tina Belcher “


“We’re adrenaline junkies. We like our rides pure, uncut, and assembled in Meh-hi-co!
— Louise Belcher “


““I’m no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else.”
Tina “
“I need fresh faces. And fresh butts.
— Tina Belcher”


““Oh, I swear to God, if you keep talking I’m gonna gut-punch you!” -Louise Belcher”


“Bob : “Linda, Torpedo Jones said he liked my burger! I want that on my tombstone. Seriously, I do.” “


“Look through the tube, see some boob! Show some green, see some peen!”
“When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.
— Linda Belcher”


“When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.”


“Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!”


“Hello and welcome to Bob’s Burgers. The burger of the day is the ‘Child Molester’ —it comes with candy. Get it?”


““Only strippers shave above the knee.” -Linda Belcher”


“Gene : Well, I decided to go join the birds. I eat lots of bread already and I’m tired of fighting. Goodbye!”


“Tina : “We can make this work. We can work out a dating wheel, just like a chore wheel. Let’s put the try in triangle.””


“Can we roll down the windows? I’m starting to breathe in Tina’s breath.
— Louise Belcher”


“Gene: And taking back the night! Respect for women! My body, my rules!”


“It was a time in Japan when the evil monsters would attack the nice little villages for no good reason. And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are…Hawk & Chick!
— Linda Belcher”


““Dad, I need you to drop everything and shave my legs.””


“Gene : “I think I have the best legs in the family, and the smoothest bottom.” “


“Kissing is one of the great parts of life, like dancing. Or rainy days. Or those croissants Meryl Streep made in that movie. We don’t have to not kiss. We just have to smart kiss.”


“Time for the charm bomb to explode.
— Tina Belche”


“Tina: And lose the combination.”


“It’s a man cave. And Tina’s going spelunking.
— Tina Belcher”


“Linda : ‘ll be like Al Capone with breasts.”


“I already picked a corner for the bathroom. That one, where I went.
— Tina Belcher”


“Gene : “Come on, boys, you’re the peanut butter. Girls, you’re the jelly. Let’s make some sandwiches!””


“I had the video game company take your game away because I love you. It’s like the time you took away the credit card from me when I was ordering all those porcelain babies.
— Linda Belcher”


“Louise : “Our gang is called the Broken Glass Kids. We’ll cut you.””
““Why don’t you try speaking in words, instead of your damn dirty LIES?” -Louise Belcher”


““What kind of God would give you those legs and no rhythm?””

ra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else.”
Tina “


“I need fresh faces. And fresh butts.
— Tina Belcher”


““Oh, I swear to God, if you keep talking I’m gonna gut-punch you!” -Louise Belcher”


“Bob : “Linda, Torpedo Jones said he liked my burger! I want that on my tombstone. Seriously, I do.” “


“Look through the tube, see some boob! Show some green, see some peen!”
“When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.
— Linda Belcher”


“When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.”


“Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!”


“Hello and welcome to Bob’s Burgers. The burger of the day is the ‘Child Molester’ —it comes with candy. Get it?”


““Only strippers shave above the knee.” -Linda Belcher”


“Gene : Well, I decided to go join the birds. I eat lots of bread already and I’m tired of fighting. Goodbye!”


“Tina : “We can make this work. We can work out a dating wheel, just like a chore wheel. Let’s put the try in triangle.””


“Can we roll down the windows? I’m starting to breathe in Tina’s breath.
— Louise Belcher”


“Gene: And taking back the night! Respect for women! My body, my rules!”
“It was a time in Japan when the evil monsters would attack the nice little villages for no good reason. And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are…Hawk & Chick!
— Linda Belcher”


““Dad, I need you to drop everything and shave my legs.””


“Gene : “I think I have the best legs in the family, and the smoothest bottom.” “


“Kissing is one of the great parts of life, like dancing. Or rainy days. Or those croissants Meryl Streep made in that movie. We don’t have to not kiss. We just have to smart kiss.”


“Time for the charm bomb to explode.
— Tina Belche”


“Tina: And lose the combination.”


“It’s a man cave. And Tina’s going spelunking.
— Tina Belcher”


“Linda : ‘ll be like Al Capone with breasts.”


“I already picked a corner for the bathroom. That one, where I went.
— Tina Belcher”


“Gene : “Come on, boys, you’re the peanut butter. Girls, you’re the jelly. Let’s make some sandwiches!””
“I had the video game company take your game away because I love you. It’s like the time you took away the credit card from me when I was ordering all those porcelain babies.
— Linda Belcher”


“Louise : “Our gang is called the Broken Glass Kids. We’ll cut you.””


““Why don’t you try speaking in words, instead of your damn dirty LIES?” -Louise Belcher”


““What kind of God would give you those legs and no rhythm?””

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